ECHO : Are you scared? Are you shirking away from your responsibilities? Is it because of your own parents? Is it because of your childhood experiences? or is it because you are a very self-centred woman? ECHO FADES
Man up to your own decisions. Be ready to face the consequences or never blame anyone else for what you could or could not decide for yourself. Yes, there is a choice, there's always a choice.
I choose my identity! Not the identity that the world identifies me with, but the one that I identify with myself. That's only me; all me. I choose not be subjected to judgement for the rest of my waking life. I choose not to subject myself to the constant pressure of proving my competence to all the prying eyes of the world. I choose not to be loved, judged, emotionally incarcerated, and neglected for something that is not in my control and can never be. I choose not to be a mother.
I do not for a second want to gamble my life away just to "experience what its like" and be left with a "what could have been" for whatever would remain of that sorry life. I do not intend to reclaim my life after years - when its too late - how its the right time to find myself again, how about selfishness then? how does that get justified? Because I successfully put myself through the raging dark cloud with a silver lining, I proved my worth?
Its a dichotomy, you suddenly become something you have never been. You change, overnight! not because you become a mother! but when you don't become one. If I have to be judged for my actions, conduct, values and all the virtues in the world, as a mother, I'd rather be judged for not being one. Atleast I know what to expect, atleast I am prepared for what is to come. A choice I made for myself. A choice that gives me the immunity from uncertainty for life.
I do not want to convince anyone to believe in my thought process, similarly, I do not want to be convinced.There are a thousand reasons for doing or not doing something, I'd rather be that reason.
I often find myself at such cross roads, what some people might consider milestones in life, when I get into these introspectional mode. Why am I doing what i'm doing? What is it that I really want to do? It's so easy to get swayed and influenced by everything around you, which is why I always want to pause, take that break and ask myself, is that what you want? Asking those questions is not a way of convincing your own self, its just taking a stock of your own self, deciding for yourself, so that later on you don't spend time trying to place your finger on someone else to put your responsibility on. You dont want to find yourself questioning then.. What could have been.. That one big IF!!
Man up to your own decisions. Be ready to face the consequences or never blame anyone else for what you could or could not decide for yourself. Yes, there is a choice, there's always a choice.
I choose my identity! Not the identity that the world identifies me with, but the one that I identify with myself. That's only me; all me. I choose not be subjected to judgement for the rest of my waking life. I choose not to subject myself to the constant pressure of proving my competence to all the prying eyes of the world. I choose not to be loved, judged, emotionally incarcerated, and neglected for something that is not in my control and can never be. I choose not to be a mother.
I do not for a second want to gamble my life away just to "experience what its like" and be left with a "what could have been" for whatever would remain of that sorry life. I do not intend to reclaim my life after years - when its too late - how its the right time to find myself again, how about selfishness then? how does that get justified? Because I successfully put myself through the raging dark cloud with a silver lining, I proved my worth?
Its a dichotomy, you suddenly become something you have never been. You change, overnight! not because you become a mother! but when you don't become one. If I have to be judged for my actions, conduct, values and all the virtues in the world, as a mother, I'd rather be judged for not being one. Atleast I know what to expect, atleast I am prepared for what is to come. A choice I made for myself. A choice that gives me the immunity from uncertainty for life.
I do not want to convince anyone to believe in my thought process, similarly, I do not want to be convinced.There are a thousand reasons for doing or not doing something, I'd rather be that reason.
I often find myself at such cross roads, what some people might consider milestones in life, when I get into these introspectional mode. Why am I doing what i'm doing? What is it that I really want to do? It's so easy to get swayed and influenced by everything around you, which is why I always want to pause, take that break and ask myself, is that what you want? Asking those questions is not a way of convincing your own self, its just taking a stock of your own self, deciding for yourself, so that later on you don't spend time trying to place your finger on someone else to put your responsibility on. You dont want to find yourself questioning then.. What could have been.. That one big IF!!
